c/lost-connections

That advice to 'just forgive and forget' with my dad was garbage.

My therapist told me last year to cut contact with my alcoholic dad instead of chasing closure, and six months in I actually sleep through the night now. Has anyone else found that cutting people off worked better than trying to fix things?

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tessa_hill86•1mo ago

The last time I saw my brother was at the Denny's off I-5 in Sacramento 6 years ago, he said he'd call the next day and never did

I still think about that night whenever I drive past that exit, does anyone else have a specific place that reminds them of someone they lost touch with?

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nora_park72•1mo ago

My cousin's old mixtape collection has a song nobody can identify

I found a cassette from 1994 in a box of his stuff and there's this one track with weird synth horns that doesn't show up on Shazam or any forum. Has anyone else inherited a mystery tape that drives them crazy trying to find the source?

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robertb30•1mo ago

My childhood friend ghosted me after I lent him $500 for rent in 2019

Marcus was my guy since 3rd grade, helped me move furniture and all that. Lent him five hundred bucks when he got laid off from the warehouse on Elm Street. He said he'd pay me back in two months, then just stopped answering texts and calls. It's been over four years now and I still wonder if I should just show up at his mom's place or let it go.

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rosel83•1mo ago

My email to my old college roommate bounced back a week ago and I still feel sick about it.

I sent a message to Sarah, who I roomed with at Ohio State back in 1987, to the only address I had for her from three years ago. The server returned it as undeliverable and I don't have a phone number or any social media to track her down. Has anyone had luck finding someone through alumni directories or public records without paying for those expensive search services?

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piper_thompson31•1mo ago

Ran into my old neighbor at the grocery store in Portland after 7 years

I was grabbing milk at the Fred Meyer on Hawthorne and saw her picking out apples. She looked the same but had a different last name. Has anyone here bumped into someone from their past in a random place?

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mila_sullivan•1mo ago

The truth about reconnecting: most people skip the hard part. I learned this last Tuesday.

I spent 6 years thinking I lost my old friend Jess because of a stupid fight. But last Tuesday I realized the real reason was I never actually tried to just say "I messed up." Everyone I know who finds someone again does the easy stuff like searching Facebook or calling the old number. They skip the actual apology or the awkward conversation that fixes things. My cousin tracked down his ex after 3 years by writing a real letter, not a text. Maybe the search isn't the problem, it's the guts to say something honest. Has anyone else found that the hard part isn't finding them but what you say after?

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leep33•1mo ago

Picking Facebook over the phone directory for finding my old college roommate

I had to decide between running a people search on one of those paid sites or just scrolling Facebook. Spent $19 on a site that gave me a dead end, then tried Facebook and found him in 10 minutes because he posted about his band playing in Cleveland. I typed his name with the college we went to in 2012 and his profile popped right up. Has anyone else had better luck with social media than those paid search things?

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nina_butler•1mo ago

PSA: Old phone numbers can be gold for finding lost friends

I was cleaning out my spare bedroom last weekend and found an old address book from 2015. Out of curiosity I tried texting a number for a friend I lost touch with after a move. The person who answered was super helpful and actually gave me a tip on how to find her on Facebook. Turns out phone carriers recycle numbers after about 6 months of inactivity. So if you have an old number for someone you're looking for, try it even if years have passed. The new owner might know something or at least point you in the right direction. Has anyone else had luck going back to super old phone numbers?

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william816•1mo ago

Rant: Facebook groups are way better than any search for finding old friends

I spent like 8 months trying to track down my buddy Marcus from middle school. Tried every search engine, people finder sites, even paid for that one service that was supposed to dig up addresses. Nothing worked. Then my wife told me to check a local "born in 86" Facebook group for our hometown. First post I made got a hit in 2 hours. His cousin saw it and messaged me his number. Felt dumb for not trying that sooner. Has anyone else had better luck with random groups than the paid stuff?

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angelafisher•1mo ago

The day I stopped leaving voicemails changed everything

I spent 2 years leaving voicemails for my old college friend Sarah every few months, never getting a call back. Then last summer I tried texting her a simple photo of our favorite diner in Portland with just a question mark. She replied in 10 minutes and admitted she never listens to voicemails from unknown numbers. Has anyone else been using the wrong method to reach out?

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ward.fiona•1mo ago

Debating whether to reach out to my high school best friend after 8 years of silence

So I've got this situation where I can't decide if I should message my old best friend from high school, Jenna. We had a massive fight senior year over something stupid about a guy, and we just never talked again after graduation. Part of me thinks reaching out after 8 years would be weird and maybe she's moved on completely, you know? But the other part of me saw her mom's Facebook post about her getting engaged last month, and I got this huge wave of missing her. I actually tried looking her up on Instagram but chickened out three times now lol. The thing is, I don't even know if she wants to hear from me, and I'm scared of getting ignored or worse, starting drama again. What would you do in this spot? Has anyone here actually reconnected with someone after a big falling out and it went well?

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blair_lewis85•1mo ago

Reverse image search on old photos found my high school buddy in 20 minutes

I was super skeptical about those 'find anyone' online tools, always thought they were scams. But last month I tried a reverse image search with a grainy photo from 2005 of me and my old friend Mike from Detroit. Found his LinkedIn profile and current email in under 20 minutes, totally blew my mind. Has anyone else had luck with weird search tricks like this instead of paying for those expensive people finder sites?

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garcia.casey•1mo ago

Spent $800 on a private investigator to find my childhood best friend

Paid a PI $800 to track down the kid I grew up with in Phoenix. We lost touch after his family moved in '98. Found him living two towns over the whole time. He didn't want to reconnect. Total burn, felt like a sucker. Has anyone else thrown cash at finding someone and regretted it?

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thea143•1mo ago

The 'just send a friend request' advice is ruining chances to reconnect

I tried that on an old friend from high school in Austin last month and got ignored, but when I found their old email and wrote 3 sentences about that one time we crashed their mom's minivan, they responded in 6 hours.

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david701•1mo ago

Rant: Found out my old high school buddy changed his name and I didn't even recognize him

I was scrolling through Facebook the other night and a name popped up that I didn't recognize at all. Turns out it was my best friend from 10th grade, Jake Morrison. He legally changed his full name to something totally different like 4 years ago and I had no clue. I found this out from a random post where someone tagged him and asked 'hey is that you Mark?' I spent like 2 hours digging through old yearbook photos and court records online just to be sure. We lost touch after he moved to Phoenix for a job right after graduation and I never thought to look him up again. Now I feel weird about reaching out because what do you even say to someone who basically vanished and started over? Has anyone else managed to reconnect with someone after they changed their name like that?

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ruby_foster93•1mo ago

The day my old roommate's mom called me out on my 'looking' habit

I spent a whole year after my best friend moved away just scrolling through her old Instagram posts, thinking I was staying connected somehow. Her mom texted me out of nowhere and said 'you know she's five blocks away at the coffee shop, right?' and I realized I'd never actually tried to reach out in real life. Has anyone else been stuck in this weird digital loop where you think you're looking for someone but you're really just avoiding the awkwardness of a real message?

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faithf77•1mo ago

Skeptical about ancestry tests until my cousin found our grandpa's brother

I always thought those DNA kits were just a gimmick, you know? People paying to find out they're 3% Scandinavian or whatever. But my cousin bought one on sale last Black Friday, and it matched her with a second cousin we never knew existed. Turns out my great uncle had a kid way back in the 1940s that nobody in the family ever talked about. We spent three months trading messages and piecing together old photos. Now we're planning a reunion in August down in Nashville, and I honestly feel like an idiot for being so dismissive before. Has anyone else had a DNA test completely flip what they thought they knew about their family?

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terry1•1mo ago

Rant: My best friend moved to Portland 3 years ago and I still haven't visited

She asked me to come out for her birthday last June and I said I couldn't afford it, but really I was scared of flying. Now she's engaged and I feel like I missed my chance to be there for the big stuff. Anyone else let fear of something small wreck a friendship?

2 comments