Told my brother his joke at Thanksgiving was offensive and now he won't talk to me

I finally spoke up at my family's dinner table in Cleveland after my brother made a joke about my weight. I just said "hey that's not cool" and he got really quiet for the rest of the meal. Now it's been 3 weeks and he's ignoring my texts and calls. Has anyone else had a boundary backfire like this where the other person just shuts down completely?

2 comments

2 Comments

ryan9521mo ago

You asked if a boundary backfire is normal, but maybe the real issue here is that your brother never learned how to handle being called out. In a lot of families, people just take jokes and don't push back, so when someone finally does, the other person doesn't know what to do besides shut down. Could be he's not ignoring you because he's mad, but because he's embarrassed and has no idea how to apologize without losing face. Growing up, my dad would just leave the room if anyone challenged him, so I saw this kind of reaction firsthand. Maybe give him another week then send a simple text like "hey, let's just talk this out" to see if he cracks. Sometimes silence is just someone's way of processing, not punishing you.

skylerm551mo ago

Yeah right, like your brother's gonna crack and apologize anytime soon. My money's on him holding that grudge until next Thanksgiving and making the whole thing super awkward while you pass the gravy. Some people just can't handle being told they messed up, so they go full silent treatment like a teenager who got grounded. Maybe send him a card that says "I'm sorry you can't handle being called out, hope you feel better" just to see if it gets a reaction. Honestly though if he's this fragile after one calm comment, you might be dealing with a lifelong pattern of him playing the victim.