Found a trick that stopped our book club debates from getting personal

My book club of 8 people was falling apart last summer. Every debate about a character's choice or a plot hole turned into people taking it personally, like if you hated the main character you were attacking the person who picked the book. Someone would say a book was boring and the person who recommended it would get quiet for the rest of the night. I started using a simple approach: before anyone shares their thoughts, we each rate the book on a scale of 1 to 5 with zero explanation, then everyone writes down one thing they liked and one thing they didn't on a slip of paper before we talk out loud. It took maybe 5 minutes extra at the start, but it made the discussion way less heated because people already saw where everyone stood on the numbers. Nobody feels attacked now because the ratings and notes are anonymous until we choose to share them. Has anyone else tried a cold open method like this to keep book club debates from turning into arguments?

3 comments

3 Comments

tessa_hill8619d ago

Starting with that written rating is a smart move. We had a similar issue in my group and started doing a quick round where each person says their overall rating as a number before any discussion. It sets the tone that different opinions are expected and okay. The paper slip idea takes it a step further by letting people gather their thoughts privately first, which sounds like it cuts down on those defensive reactions.

aaronf4019d ago

I've seen written ratings backfire when people lock into their initial number and don't actually listen to the discussion. It just turns the meeting into a debate over who's right instead of finding common ground.

henderson.mason1d ago

Ngl I just watched a video about how improv comedy uses a similar kind of cold open thing to keep scenes from getting tense. They call it "yes and" but basically it's just agreeing on the basic facts before anyone tries to be funny. Sounds like your book club stumbled onto the same idea but for books instead of jokes.