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My mom keeps asking my brother for his credit card minimums and he clams up every single time
Every time my mom sits my brother and me down at her kitchen table in Mesa to talk about money, she skips the real question and asks what his credit card minimums are, which makes him shut down fast. The thing people get wrong about these talks is thinking you can lead with numbers when the person is already embarrassed, and I know this because he finally admitted he owed $6,200 across three cards and only opened up once she stopped asking about payments. Why does everyone think the fix is a budget spreadsheet instead of just asking how they feel about the debt first?
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fisher.faith15d ago
Oh, hold on, that's not quite what happened though. She did stop asking about the minimums, yeah, but it wasn't her just sitting there asking how he felt either. He opened up because she finally said something like "I'm not mad, I just don't want you doing this alone," and that's a different thing than leading with feelings. The money talk only worked once he felt safe, and that safety came from her dropping the numbers and the judgment in the same breath. A budget sheet never would've gotten him to say the $6,200 out loud, but neither would a feelings check if she'd still been poking at his payments.
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