Hit 40k in credit card debt and my wife found out from a bill

I always handled the finances in our house, figured it was easier that way. Last Tuesday she opened a stray envelope from the bank, saw the balance on our joint card, and went pale. 40k is what it took for me to realize I had been burying us. We sat down that night and I had to walk her through every charge, including the $1,800 fishing boat I never told her about. She wasn't even mad, just quiet, which was worse. Now we're doing a monthly budget meeting and she wants to see every statement. Has anyone else had to come clean about a hidden balance? How do you rebuild trust when the number gets that big?

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