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Trying to find a new friend group after moving to Denver took me over a year | Adult Friendship Rules - Rigidtalk

Trying to find a new friend group after moving to Denver took me over a year

I moved to Denver for work about 14 months ago and figured making new friends would just happen naturally, like it did in college. I was wrong. I tried all the usual stuff, like joining a casual softball league and going to a few meetups from an app. I'd have a nice chat with someone, we'd say we should grab a beer, and then... nothing. The follow-up just wouldn't happen, or they'd flake. It wasn't until I started volunteering every other Saturday at the local animal shelter that things changed. I saw the same people regularly, and the shared task gave us something to talk about besides just making small talk. That consistency was the key. It took a full year of feeling pretty isolated before I found a solid way to connect. Has anyone else found that a regular, low-pressure activity was the only thing that worked?

3 comments

3 Comments

mark9686mo ago

Totally get that, had the same thing happen when I moved for my wife's job a while back. I joined a weekly board game night at a local comic shop, just showing up every Thursday no matter what. That regular face time is everything, you stop being a stranger and start being the guy who always brings the weird pretzels. The animal shelter thing makes perfect sense, you're all there to do a job first so the pressure's off.

henderson.mason6mo ago

Mark968 is right about that regular face time, it builds a kind of social muscle memory. You stop having to plan every single hangout because you just know you'll see them next week at the game night or the shelter. That routine turns forced plans into a real habit, which is how friendships actually stick.

reese_garcia5mo ago

Honestly, I gotta push back on that "builds a real habit" thing. For me, that routine just made hanging feel like a chore I had to check off. After a few weeks, I started dreading Thursday night board games because it felt like homework with dice. Spontaneity is way better for keeping friendships alive in my book.