Showerthought: I realized I was the flaky friend after my buddy called me out

For years, I'd say 'we should hang out' but never set a date. My friend Mark finally said, 'You know, Jana, you've suggested getting coffee about seven times since Christmas.' It hit me that my vague plans were making people feel like an afterthought. Now I try to name a specific day or activity right away. Does anyone think being direct like that comes off as too pushy, or is it actually more respectful?

3 comments

3 Comments

webb.blake2mo ago

Ngl, it's a sign of respect. Most people are just stuck in that same cycle of vague plans.

lane.emma2mo ago

Define that cycle for me, what does it actually look like?

the_susan20d ago

Actually gotta disagree here. Being super direct can feel like an interrogation or pressure, especially with casual friends. @lane.emma asked what the cycle looked like, so think about this: someone says "let's grab dinner Tuesday at 7" without any warm-up chat, and now you're either saying yes to something you're not sure about or making an awkward excuse. Vague plans like "let's catch up sometime" leave room for both people to actually want to do it later. Plus, naming a specific thing right away can kill spontaneity - sometimes the best hangouts happen because someone texts "free right now?" and you both just go.