Loading…
11
Lost 3 close friends in 2 months because I kept saying I was too busy at work
Back in October I told myself I would catch up with everyone once my project at work slowed down. That project ended right before Thanksgiving, and when I finally texted my buddy Dan to grab lunch, he said he had already asked me four times that fall and stopped bothering. I laughed it off. Then I checked my messages and saw the same thing with two other friends, Priya and Marcus, who I have known since college. The three of us used to do a standing Thursday dinner at this cheap Thai place near my apartment, and I had skipped it so many times they just stopped sending the invite. Last Tuesday I sat alone in that same restaurant and the owner asked where my friends were. That one hurt. So here is my warning: adult friendships do not die in one big fight, they die from you being flaky one small time too many. Has anyone here pulled a friendship back from that point, or is it usually gone once people stop asking?
1 comments
Log in to join the discussion
Log In1 Comment
jakeperry2d ago
What if you flip the whole thing and stop treating it like you owe them an apology tour? Here is the thing nobody talks about: the guilt spiral is what actually keeps people away, not the flaking. You sit there feeling bad, so you avoid reaching out because you figure they are mad, and that silence reads as you not caring at all. Your friends did not stop asking because they hate you, they stopped because they got tired of being the only ones trying. So be the one who tries now, and not with some big emotional sit down either. Just text Dan something dumb and specific like a photo of a taco and say you are buying next time. Do that a few times without expecting anything back and you will find out real fast who is still in. The fixes that work are the boring ones, showing up small and often, not a long talk about feelings.
3