I just realized I've had the same three close friends for over twenty years

It hit me when I was writing a card for my friend Mark's 40th birthday. I met him, Sarah, and Jen in college in Boston, and we've somehow stuck together through moves, jobs, and kids. I always thought adult friendships were supposed to fade, but this group just kept going. How do you keep a long-running friendship from getting stale?

3 comments

3 Comments

grayperez1mo ago

That's actually a pretty low bar for a real long term friendship. Three people in twenty years is just staying in your comfort zone. I had a group like that and we all realized we were just repeating the same stories from 2002. Sometimes a friendship fades because it should, not because life got in the way. You might be mistaking routine for depth, and that's how things get stale in the first place.

hayden_martin291mo ago

Ever think maybe some people just want a few steady friends? I had that same feeling with my old group (the stories did get pretty old). What worked for me was making a real effort to do new things with them, like a weekend trip instead of the same bar. It forced new stories and actually brought us closer. It's not about keeping every friend forever, but you can choose to build new depth instead of just letting things fade.

ninah1015d ago

Wait, y'all are missing something big here. @grayperez talked about comfort zones and stale stories, but what about the friends who actually change with you? Twenty years of friendship means twenty years of growth, and a lot of that happens apart from each other. Mark, Sarah, and Jen probably aren't the same people they were in college, and that's the real magic - watching each other evolve while still showing up. My crew does this thing where we plan a yearly trip where nobody can talk about work or kids, just weird topics we never get to explore. That forced depth is way different than routine, and it keeps the friendship fresh without forcing new people in. Long term friends who actually see you change are rarer than any new friend you'll ever make.