Has anyone else had a friend who only wants to hang out when they need something, like moving furniture or picking them up from the airport?

My buddy Mike called me three times in two months to help him haul stuff from Home Depot, but when I invited him to my barbecue last Saturday he said he was busy with better plans, so how do you tell someone they're using you without losing the friendship completely?

2 comments

2 Comments

walker.robert4d ago

Oh boy, that's a tough spot to be in. Have you tried asking Mike directly what he thinks friendship means? Like, next time he calls for a favor, just say something like "Hey, I've noticed we mostly talk when you need a hand with something, and I miss just hanging out for fun." It might feel awkward, but it puts the ball in his court. I had a similar situation with an old coworker who only called when his car broke down, and it took me finally saying "I feel like a taxi service" before he realized what he was doing. Does Mike ever check in on you just to see how you're doing, or is it strictly business when he calls?

reese_garcia3d ago

Hang on, nobody's brought up that maybe Mike doesn't even know he's doing it. Some people just don't think about relationships that way. It's not malicious, it's just how their brain works. They see a problem and think "Reese can fix that" and don't stop to realize they never call otherwise. It's like they have a blind spot for the social side of things. So yeah, being direct is probably the only way to get through to him. He might honestly be shocked you feel used.